What is success anyway??
I have had a longing all my life that there was more, that I could do more, that I could be more, that there was more to life than how I was living it.
I had a uneasy feeling within me, a restless feeling a feeling of uncertainty. I have had these feelings since being a small child. Always seeking more.... Always reaching outside myself.
When I started my spiritual and self development journey I was trying to manifest greatness, success, trying to prove to myself that I was doing it.. That those feelings that had plagued me all my life were true and that I could be great, I could be successful and that that is what it was all about.
I had a friend once (she was much more woke than i) that I was coming from a place of ego... I was very hurt, upset and couldn't believe she would say that to me, that I was trying to learn and guide others and then she said in so many words that that was my ego...
She was right. Since the beginning of this year I have had something shift within me.
See here I was longing for success.
What is success?
I thought it was having the lucrative business, writing the book, being the expert..
One morning I was doing my meditation and asked myself the question, what is success to you? What does that really mean?
I didn't know the answer to that... Ok to be successful what does that look like to me? I had no idea what that looked, felt or sounded like... NO idea what that means for me. Which made me take a closer look at what I feel good doing. What lights me up. Do I have to write a book? Who am I doing that for? Am I doing it because it is part of other successful peoples journey? The answer was yes... I don't have to write and publish that book for anyone. I have it for me and for my children, they are the only ones who need to see it..
See here I was showing up, doing lives, guiding, teaching and being consistent in my actions but there was still that something that felt like it was missing. There was still that piece of me that felt like I was hustling, pushing, trying way to hard.. I had to make it work after all I left my full time job. I had to make this work because people are watching me, people are relying on me.
NO they are NOT.
The truth of the matter was that I was STILL after all I had learned, was longing for the attention. I was seeking approval outside of myself. I was seeking people to need me. I was trying to prove that I knew what I was talking about, that I had answers, that I was going to help so many people.
I took the advise of the universe (those who have followed me for a while know that I had an absolute calling to just listen, since November last year) so I did.
I sat down and got quiet. I stilled my life (covid really helped with this) and I tuned in. I went inward. I listened to my higher voice.
I know you most likely have heard that we have the answers within and it is true.
I really listened to what it is that I REALLY love doing, what is it that lights me up, that makes me happy, that brings joy into my life.
I looked closer at this and then looked at the things that weren't bringing me so much joy. The things I was doing because I thought I 'SHOULD" be doing them.
You know what the things I love doing take the focus off me. They are purely on what can help others feel good, what also makes me feel good in the process.
The words as I write this that keep popping into my head is I am not your guru, and I suppose that is what I am trying to say here that even though I have had a longing for success, and I thought that was, having to get big enough to run workshops, talk on stages, write a book, be featured here and there. I thought that was what success was but when I quieted all the noise, all of the perceptions (I put on myself) It became soooo clear.
Success for me is to live my quiet little life with my family, being able to spend quality time with them, and to be able to use energy healing to guide others to their own healing, to joy, to comfort, to happiness, and to be able to create... To be creative in my own expression with my candles, and sprays and oils in a way that it offers comfort, relief, happiness to others.
and all of those things remove me... Remove me from having to be the centre of it all. Yes don't get me wrong I love when people share with me their love for the candles or how an energy session has helped them, but it is more about the work..... It is about the joy..
So what I have learned and honestly I am not sure how it came around is that I bring something and so powerful to the world, I am a very good energy healer, I see hear and know things, I am very much tapped in and I can create magic through my work but I have learned in seeing that that that is my path, and that now that I have removed the trying to please, trying to get approval, trying to show that to be liked, to be recognised or to be a SUCCESS, it has taken alot of pressure off me. I am so much more in my magic. So much more able to share, from a place of universal guidance, with my ego out of the way... from love...