I want to share with you a letter that I wrote to my body.
This is something extremely personal but I know that there will be those of you out there that resonate... and possibly those who do not.
Please note this is how I feel and what came through while free writing. I am on a healing journey to repair my disconnection with my body and to work on my health, mind body and soul. I have put on 35 kg in the last few years and know that it is not only neglect of my routines, healthy eating and movement but it runs deeper as I have always struggled with a yo yo type of pattern to my health. I want to explore what it is that my body needs and wants and how I can release, heal and connect to her. I am documenting this journey as it is something that I feel I have needed to do for a long time and know that there are others out there who also have wounding, patterns, trauma associated to them either neglecting their health and wellbeing or over compensating. Again this is my own personal journey and I know that there is strength and power in sharing you vulnerability.
I wrote this while in the bath while I was totally raw.
To my body,
I am sorry, deeply and truly sorry for the way I have mistreated you. For the unkindness, I have shown you.
For not loving you enough to care for you, to nourish you, to allow you to move in ways that free you.
I apologize for allowing my thoughts to pierce you again and again. Unkind words to wound you and bruise you.
For not listening to your wisdom.
You are what keeps my soul and spirit alive.
You are what guides me through this life and you deserve better treatment.
You have never let me down, but I have let you down and let you down on numerous occasions. I
I have hurt you time and time again.
Pinching you, pulling, poking at parts I didn't like.
I have allowed weight to gain on you, weighing you down literally with shame, guilt, trauma, thinking it will shield me from harm. In fact, I am the one causing the harm. I am only traumatising you with wounds, pain and neglect and I am sorry.
I am ready to stop treating you as if you don't deserve love. I am ready to release the hold around not feeling safe inside of you. Ready to cherish you for every breathe you have taken, every step you have made. Be proud of you for helping me to create 4 beautiful children.
For giving me the freedom to dance, swim, laugh, cry, see, sing, touch, feel and take in all of the beauty around me.
I m ready to take our relationship to the next level. To hold you in a loving embrace for all that you are. To learn what you really need and want and to work with you to release all that you do not need.
My soul needs a home.
A well-cared for home.
I want us to merge, connect and to become one. No more separation. No more disconnection.
I am spirit and you are my body and together we are Erin.
I love you...
Photo is from Google. (not quiet ready to share all of me)